It’s time for the 2012 Emmy’s! This year I got to watch it with 2 nerds; Cyclops and Spike. While I think they both enjoyed the show their favorite part by far was the fair amount of cleavage the ladies of the Emmy’s were sporting this year, starting with Amy Poehler and ending with Kevin Costner. See below for my stream of consciousness blogging during the show.

UPDATE: I’ve found a few videos of last night’s show.

Opening Skit:

Backstage 20 minutes before the show: The ladies of TV are getting ready for the big show. P.S. love Zoey Deschanel’s, “I can’t believe I won face”.

After Jimmy Kimmel has a bad botox job and runs into the bathroom crying that he can’t host the Emmy’s the ladies help him by punching his fact back into place. Best parts of this skit:

1. Jimmy says, “I can’t host the Emmy’s” and immediately in the next stall over, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum, Tom Bergeron, Ryan Seacreast and Jeff Probst pop up and say, “We’ll do it!”

2. Juila Louis Dreyfrus comes in late and gives him one final punch, for some reason it’s just funnier when she does it.

3. Ellen givens Jimmy her pants, classic.

Opening Monologue: 

Overall Jimmy’s opening monologue was solid. None of the jokes fell completely flat and I laughed openly a few times.

Best Joke: “Downton Abbey is an amazing show. There is show much meticulous attention to detail. It’s not the type of typical show I would watch but it really gives you a sense of what it must have been like to grow up in Mitt Romney’s house.”

Runner-Up Joke: “Tonight you will be asked to play your most challenging role yet, that of an actor who is happy about the success of another actor. Let’s not forget that in a way all of you here are winners tonight, but in a much more literal way most of you will be losers.”

COMEDY MONTAGE! This montage just makes me think of all the hilarious shows that didn’t get nominated like; Happy Endings, How I Met Your Mother, Parks and Recreation, Raising Hope and New Girl, plus I forgot how funny the live version of 30 Rock was this year.

First presenters of the night are Amy Poehler and Louis C.K. I love when comedians are the presenters because they know how to deliver a line, Louis C.K. does it without even talking. Side note from the nerds, “Amy Poehler is hot, look at her boobs, Will Arnett is kicking himself right now”.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Who I want to win: Max Greenfield / New Girl
Winner: Eric Stonestreet / Modern Family

Don’t get me wrong I love Eric Stonestreet and I love love love Cam, but Max Greenfield is HILARIOUS in New Girl.

19 minutes in: While Jim Parsons and Zoey Deschanel star in comedies, they are not quite as funny as the previous pair of presenters.

Writing in a Comedy Series
Set up, they asked the writers to say how their high school teachers would describe them: Amy Poehler and Michael Schur from Parks and Rec, ask “Is everyone doing this? There’s no way Louis is doing this,” cut to a photo of Louis C.K. not doing this.

Winner: Louis C.K. / Louie

21 minutes in: Jimmy sits down with Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad to ask them what their show would have been like before cable….

Cut to the hilarious black and white opening sequence for the “The Breaking Bad Show”  done in the style of “The Andy Griffith Show” starring Bryan Cranston, Aaron Paul and of course Don Knotts. But being that’s it’s Breaking Bad, Don Knotts gets shot. This show is brought to you by Meth.

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Winner: Julie Bowen

For some reason Julie Bowen talks a lot about nipple covers…

3o minutes in: Matthew Perry comes to announce the winners for Guest Actors/Actress in a Comedy Series. God, I miss Chandler.

Jon Hamm in black face should have won hands down or Michael J. Fox. Winners: Kathy Bates and Jimmy Fallon.

Directing for a Comedy Series
They asked the nominees who makes the best director of a comedy series, best answers:
-Jewish Men
-Jews
-I dunno (Louis C.K.)

Winner: Obvious, Steve Levitan / Modern Family, one of the best acceptance speeches of the night. “First of all I want to thank me for hiring me as a director when no one else would. I wouldn’t be standing here without my faith in me”.

35 minutes in: BEST SKIT OF THE NIGHT, the cast of Modern Family talks about the one person in their cast that everyone hates, that’s right, it’s Lily. Best line is when Sophia Vergara says, “Oh you look so pretty today” and Lily says, “Can someone tell me what the heck she is saying!?” oh and then she eats a chicken sandwich in front of Cam and Mitchell from Chick-fil-A. She’s a MONSTER!

37 minutes in: Melissa McCarthy is so funny. I mean she tells Jim Parsons he’s smooth like a baby, Jim Cryer that she wore out a poster of Ducky as a teenager and comments on Louis C.K.’s sweet, sweet, angry, ginger skin.

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Acceptable winners: Don Cheadle / House of Lies, Louis C.K. / Louie, Jim Parsons / The Big Bang Theory, Larry David / Curb Your Enthusiasm, Alec Baldwin / 30 Rock

Winner: WTF, Jon Cryer!? I’m sorry how did he win this? That’s right Jon, you should be shocked and at least you are acting as such in your acceptance speech.

P.S.: Is one of Jon Cryer’s children named Charlie? Is that after Charlie Sheen and is he regretting that name choice now?

44 minutes in: Stephen Colbert, comments that we should end the war on women because women are wonderful. And then follows it up by saying, “for the most part obviously, some women are awful. The seven women in this category tonight, 5 of them are just great and the other 2″…awkward pause.

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Who I so want to win: Amy Poehler
Winner: Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Ok, don’t get me wrong I love JLD but the Emmy board or whatever is obsessed with her, I mean she  won for The New Adventures of Old Christine, COME ON!

Luckily the acceptance speech made up for this upset because once again the ladies in this category pulled off a funny gag. JLD starts her speech, “I would like to thank NBC, Parks and Rec, my beautiful boys Archie and Abel”…cut to Amy Poehler, they’ve accidentally switched speeches! Amy Poehler and her boobs run up to switch speeches. Speech ends with, “isn’t it a shame that Amy Poehler didn’t win”…cut to Amy Poehler with a pencil in hand.

49 minutes in: REALITY TV MONTAGE TIME!

51 minutes in: OMG it’s Damon Wayans Jr. and James Van Der Beek as they announce the information that everyone actually cares about, Patriots are leading the Ravens by 3-0.

Best Reality Competition
Winner: For the 100th year, The Amazing Race.

56 minutes in: Cute gag with The Big Bang Theory to introduce the boring accountants that counted the votes, glad it was quick.

58 minutes in: Seth McFarlane, gives us a little bit of Stewie and describes the most awesome sounding reality TV show ever!

Host of a Reality Show
Winner: A bit of a surprise, Tom Bergeron, who I actually really like! “Want to thank Jeff Probst for not being nominated, that helped. Want to thank my family, most of them know who they are”, which was a joke that just got funnier as the seconds passed. Also gave the best plug of the night, reminding everyone that the Dancing with the Stars, All Stars starts tomorrow.

DRAMA MONTAGE! I’m a little sad that the comedy categories are over. Plus there are a lot of “drama” shows I haven’t seen so I’m covering my eyes and ears for most of this montage.

64 minutes in: Claire Danes comes out to present. I’m sorry I love Claire Danes and I know she’s pregnant but I am not a huge fan of her outfit. I mean I like the dress but the top seems a little casual for the Emmy’s.

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Who I want to win: Anyone from Downton Abbey.
Winner: Aaron Paul. He’s cute and he thanks the writers for not killing him off, I like it.

72 minutes in: Jimmy decides to pull a prank on the people at home not watching the Emmy’s. He asks for a volunteer and Tracy Morgan raises his hand, you know it’s going to be good. He asks everyone in the audience and watching at home to post, “OMG Tracy Morgan has just passed out on the Emmy’s”. Tracy happily complies and lays down on stage but not before handing Jimmy his nunchucks. Then Tracy just lies there, totally in character, not moving.

Writing in a Drama Series
Set up, how do you handle writer’s block? Best one, Mad Men, “What if Don has a really big drink?”, as they take a really big drink.

Winner: Homeland, ouch they start playing them off pretty early, writers get no respect. Not only does the music play but they turn off the lights and mic.

Supporting Actress in a Drama
MUST WIN: Maggie Smith / Downton Abbey
DOES WIN!!: Maggie Smith / Downton Abbey, really sad she’s not there.

82 minutes in Tracy is still on stage but don’t worry some of my favorite men of comedy; Eric Stonestreet, Max Greenfield, Jared Galecki and Ty Burrell come to carry him off. “Can I get my nunchucks back?”

Guest Actor / Actress in a Drama Series
Winners: Martha Plimpton and Jeremy Daives. How did MJF lose in both Guest in Comedy and Drama?

Directing for a Drama Series
Winner: Boardwalk Empire

85 minutes in: Jimmy does a tribute to someone still living, himself. Cue montage accompanied by Josh Groban singing One Directon’s, What Makes You Beautiful.

Lead Actor in a Drama Series 
Winner: Damian Lewis / Homeland, love his British humor.

95 minutes in: Tina Fey and Jon Hamm. I wish they were a couple in real life. Great bit with Jon Hamm being handsome and Tina Fey saying incoherent sentences because she forgot her glasses and can’t read the teleprompter. They are amazing together.

Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Why are the clips for these so much longer than any other category?

Winner: Claire Danes / Homeland, not a surprise. Also love her for calling the Emmy’s out on playing off the writers of her show earlier. Plus she called her husband her baby daddy, haha! Note: The Emmy’s did not cut her off.

100 minutes in: VARIETY SHOW MONTAGE! How did I miss NPH and Hugh Jackman dancing together at the Tony Awards?

104 minutes in: Aziz Ansari does a great British accent. Side note: he made a great suggestion on the Red Carpet, there should be a category for Best Baby in a TV Show.

Variety Special Writing
Winner: Louis C.K. / Live at the Beacon Theatre

110 minutes in it’s Ricky Gervais!! Can he just talk the rest of the night? “I’ve just had a beer. It’s literally the only reason I agreed to hand out an Emmy so I could have a beer backstage. Um so they’ve flown me over for the big one, it’s Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special, ok…some of these people are working right now, you got a Emmy what are you going to do? I’ll just stay in the truck probably.”

Directing for a Variety Special
Winner: Someone working in a truck, Glenn Weiss / Tony Awards. No one can play him off because he holds all the power, bwahaha!

Variety Series or Comedy Special
Winner: Daily Show, duh! Colbert and Jimmy Fallon hold him back, literally wrestling him to the ground so he can’t go on stage…amazing.

118 minutes in Jon Stewart drops the F Bomb.

We are 2/3 of the way done with the Emmy’s but it’s moving along at a great pace.

121 minutes in, Jimmy has his parents (his Dad looks like Wolf Blitzer) removed from the show with the help of Tracy Morgan, for telling him that he could win an Emmy (he didn’t). Tracy then wants his cousins, Pancake and Kool-Aid, to take their seats.

MINI-SERIES OR MOVIE MONTAGE! Wait, why is Missing with Ashley Judd in this category? I’m pretty sure it was a real show on ABC that got cancelled. It’s official I can’t ever watch American Horror Story, just these clips are terrifying.

125 minutes in, is it bad that whenever I see Steve Buscemi all I can think of is him as Jack’s P.I. on 30 rock?

Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: Obvious choice, Jessica Lang, and even though she talks for a while, there is no way they are playing her off.

132 minutes in, the dreaded part in every awards ceremony is when they bring out the Chairman or President of the Academy, but this year they smartly paried him with someone funny, Ellen, who of course is not wearing any pants (Jimmy took them earlier, remember?) Her just standing there made the bit funny.

133 minutes in, Kerry Washingon from Scandal comes out to present. I can’t wait for that show to come back, btw.

Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: Tom Berringer / Hatfields and McCoys

136 minutes in, Ron Howard comes out to do a touching tribute to Andy Griffith, it made me a little teary eyed. I loved Matlock. We lost a lot of great ones this past year including; Marvin Hamlisch, Davy Jones, Sherman Hemsley, Phyllis Diller, Michael Clarke Duncan, Andy Rooney, Donna Summer, Tony Scott, Mike Wallace, Harry Morgan and the irreplaceable Dick Clark.

Writing for a Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: Danny Strong, hey it’s the guy from Buffy!

Lead Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: Julianne Moore / The Game Change. I really want to see this movie, if only I could afford HBO. Plus, according to Julianne Moore, Sarah Palin gave her a big thumbs down, so that means I would love it.

155 minutes in, Jimmy calls out Jon Stewart for not being in his seat.

156 minutes in, Directing for a Mini-Series or Movie
156 minutes in, Winner: Jay Roach / The Game Change

157 minutes in, man they are staring to to race through these nominations. They are starting to play off these mini series and movie people super quickly. Guess they are not playing around with ending this thing on time.

157 minutes in Lead Actor for Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: Kevin Costner / Hatfields and McCoys

I think it’s been so long since Kevin Costner has won an award that he’s forgotten how to give an acceptance speech, at one point he starts comparing the Emmy statuette to the Olympics, WHAT?! How did he not get played off?? I was hoping he would be announcing Waterworld 2.

165 minutes in Outstanding Mini-Series or Movie
Winner: The Game Change

Damn I love Tom Hanks. Not only is he charismatic but he knows what’s up and gives a great speech very quickly as not to get played off and thanks everyone that needs thanking. Kevin Costner, take note.

LAST TWO AWARDS!

167 minutes in, Jimmy gives a shot out to the other amazing Sarah Palin impersonator in the room, Tina Fey.

Outstanding Drama Series
Who I want to win: Downton Abbey
Winner: UPSET, Homeland. I think everyone assumed either Mad Men or Breaking Bad would get this one.

Rude, they stopped playing the music before everyone could get on stage, AWKWARD. Love this from Executive Producer Alex Gansa, “I don’t know when they are going to cut me off but this is the biggest night of my career so I’m going to keep talking until they do”. Subtle dig at the Emmy’s for cutting off all the writers and directors? It’s Showtime’s first best series Emmy, can’t believe it. He ends with, “Finally I get to thank my wife, you read everything I write, and you approved this message,” as it should be.

175 minutes in, via Jimmy “Our next presenter is someone no one likes, he’s a time traveler, a 5 time Emmy winner and everyone’s least favorite person, Michael J. Fox.” Obviously so untrue because MJF is amazing and truly an inspiration. And still funny.

Outstanding Comedy Series:
…and the least surprising Emmy goes to,
Winner: Modern Family

Endeavour shout out by Steve Levitan. Ouch they are playing him off, lights fade to black and mic cuts out.

178 minutes in, Jimmy gives his final goodbye and cue credits.

FINAL OBSERVATIONS:
-I enjoyed Jimmy Kimmel as the host and would be happy if he did it again next year.
-I found the swarm of paparazzi standing off stage very awkward.
-Why did my British darlings Downton Abbey or Sherlock get no love?!
-ABC has successfully amped me up for the return of all their shows! Thank you Emmy commercials.